The Field of Woke

             Great balls of fire! Just the other day, Smith College, the largest of the “Seven Sisters” colleges – and open exclusively to “cis, trans, and nonbinary women” – has flexed its intellectual muscles in an area to which it believes it is entitled. Recently, the Department of Field Education became – by an act of magical decree – the Department of Practicum. Now this department refers specifically to social work – roughly the work that people do “in the field of living.” Why on earth would a supposedly-serious institute of higher learning do such a foolish thing as to ban this word?

            The rationale behind this bizarre move has something to do with – what else? – slavery (i.e., racism – that “scourge of American society”). Here’s how their thread – and it is barely a thread – of logic goes: Slaves were present in America from the 1600’s. They worked in fields, without pay, so naturally the ancestors of those slaves are highly incensed – more like outraged – by the thought that someone could have them work in any sort of field of human endeavor for – get this! – money! The field of literature – ugh! The field of medicine – no way! The field of science – how disgusting! The field of architecture – why, the very thought! And no way would anyone toil in the hot sun out in some dusty, weed-infested field to raise food…!

            Oh, gosh! That means they’ll have to ban all references to Kevin Costner’s movie Field of Dreams. Similarly, the Field of Greens company will have to rebrand its products (superfoods and supplements) if they hope to get a mention in papers and homework that Smith allows. I really hope they will go easy on people who blurt out “outfield” or “infield” in reference to maneuvers by the college softball team. And what will become of the Track and Field team (much less its blatant, out-there-for-all-to-see, offensive website)? Heaven help anyone who refers to her (his?) field of flowers back home. This could be a real catastrophe for those whose last name happens to be “Field.” (I suppose they will have to go through some sort of re-indoctrination prior to attending that Sacred Space of Learning and Common Sense – SS4LCS for short).

            While the smarter-than-average intellectuals at Smith are reforming and rebooting our language, they might consult George Orwell’s blueprint for Newspeak and Memory Holes, 1984. True, its methods (like ubiquitous cameras and basement torture facilities) are a bit – well, Orwellian – but there’s a really good outcome, that pleases Big Brother no end: Winston the protagonist gives in, and capitulates to the Grand Scheme. In other words, he longs for death.

            Yes, death ends all the trouble, doesn’t it? All the trouble of thinking one’s own thoughts (if you control the language, you can control thought). All the trouble of passing on unique, helpful ideas for the betterment of mankind (oops! “humanity”).

            Can this get any more absurd?